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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22856194">tell me what i want</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactusparade/pseuds/cactusparade'>cactusparade</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coming In Pants, Dom/sub Undertones, Dry Humping, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Evan "Buck" Buckley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:41:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,383</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22856194</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactusparade/pseuds/cactusparade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Buck has to grasp Eddie’s legs to keep himself upright. Shame and excitement are at war in the pit of his stomach, both loving and hating the idea of being so openly depraved. Shame wins out in the end though, just like it has time and time again. He goes to reach for Eddie’s pants once more only to have his wrists caught in a strong grip. He tries to tug himself free but Eddie holds firm. “C’mon, this isn’t funny, Eddie.”</p><p>Eddie just stares at him, calm and collected like he’s been all afternoon. He doesn’t let go. “Who’s laughing?”"</p><p> </p><p>Buck and Eddie explore a kink.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>377</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>tell me what i want</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>a completely self-indulgent fic because if i can't find it, i'll make it</p><p>obligatory disclaimer: i'm a trans man and my permit says i can do what i want. to be completely serious though, i use words and descriptions comfortable to myself when describing buck and his anatomy. while i think it's pretty standard, please proceed with caution and do what's best for you if you experience dysphoria</p><p>not beta'd, as per usual. please lemme know if i missed/should add any tag(s) or if there's any glaring errors!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buck feels like he’s going to combust. With his back to Eddie’s chest, hand reaching around rub Buck's dick, Eddie’s had him on the edge for almost an hour. The room is sweltering, sweat dripping down his face and the smell of sex thick in the small space. He knows he could put an end to this if he really wanted to, but there’s something undeniably thrilling about handing over control to someone else. Especially because that someone is Eddie, a person he trusts with his life on a daily basis. Giving him the reins like this is easy in comparison.</p><p>He gets close to cumming again, legs kicking straight out, a whine clawing its way out of his throat. He grabs tight onto Eddie’s wrist to try to get him to keep going.</p><p>“Close again?” Eddie asks, the absolute asshole.</p><p>“You know I am.” It’s hard to sound indignant when his voice cracks halfway through his sentence. It fits with how fucked-out his voice is, weak and scratchy from begging and whining since the first time Eddie denied him release. It took another denied orgasm for Buck to understand Eddie’s game. Since then his world has narrowed down to Eddie’s body and the way lust fills his stomach with delicious heat.</p><p>“Do you wanna cum?” Eddie’s hand disappears from his dick and moves to knead his bare thigh comfortingly.</p><p>Instead of answering, Buck forces his body to move. He turns and kneels in between Eddie’s spread legs. Eddie’s still fully dressed, shirt plastered to his body in some places from their combined perspiration and hard cock obvious in his jeans. Buck isn’t faring much better; he’s flushed down to his chest and his slick makes itself known with every movement.</p><p>“Wanted to cum for the last twenty minutes, you asshole, so put your dick in me already.”</p><p>Eddie hums, looks thoughtful for all of three seconds. “I don’t think so.”</p><p>Buck pauses in undoing Eddie’s belt. “Dude, you’ve been teasing me for so long. You wouldn’t leave me hanging like this.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t I?” He lifts an eyebrow. “I think you like when I’m mean, Buck. When I tell you to take it and you just have to.” Eddie raises a hand - the hand he was using on Buck, still slightly wet, <em>Jesus</em> - to Buck's mouth, traces shiny fingers along his bottom lip before slipping them inside. “But I’ll be nice today. You can cum,” Eddie removes his fingers and Buck’s preparing to thank him when he continues, “but you’re only getting off if you do it on my thigh.”</p><p>Buck has to grasp Eddie’s legs to keep himself upright. Shame and excitement are at war in the pit of his stomach, both loving and hating the idea of being so openly depraved. Shame wins out in the end though, just like it has time and time again. He goes to reach for Eddie’s pants once more only to have his wrists caught in a strong grip. He tries to tug himself free but Eddie holds firm. “C’mon, this isn’t funny, Eddie.”</p><p>Eddie just stares at him, calm and collected like he’s been all afternoon. He doesn’t let go. “Who’s laughing?”</p><p>“You’re not gonna get anything from it.”</p><p>“I’m not gonna get anything from it?” Eddie asks incredulously. He finally lets go of Buck but keeps his hands close in case he has to intercept him again. He lifts his thigh pointedly until Buck shuffles over, timid, and settles on it. He jerks involuntarily at the feel of denim on his sensitive dick. “Watching you so desperate to cum that you’ll hump anything, that ain’t gonna do something for me? Knowing you have a perfectly good cock right here but wanna debase yourself for a quick orgasm? I’ve never been so hard in my life.”</p><p>“If it’s such a perfectly good cock, why won’t you let me ride it?” Buck grumbles, but his resolve is weak and getting weaker by the second. What harm would it do to give in when he’s basically already there?</p><p>“Because we both know that’s not what you want.” Grabbing Buck’s hips, Eddie forces him to start grinding. Rhythmic back and forth movements until Buck becomes more confident, hands using Eddie’s shoulders to ground himself as he humps his thigh without any encouragement needed. “You don’t want me to give you what you want. You want me to make you work for it, make you feel used and humiliated. You’re easy and you need me to remind you.”</p><p>Buck moans, digs his fingernails hard into Eddie’s shoulders, sure he can register the sting through the fabric of his shirt. “God, shut <em>up</em>,” he says, means <em>God, don’t</em> stop.</p><p>He’s nearing the end already, each drive forward slick and painful in the best way. He knows he must look like a mess - must look <em>easy</em>. The humiliation lights up his insides, makes his blood run that much hotter. He deliriously wonders if his hands will leave scorch marks on Eddie’s shirt.</p><p>“You’re so beautiful,” Eddie’s words are completely at odds with his earlier remarks, but the praise doesn’t dim the flames one bit. It soothes any parts not already touched by the degradation, gets him to move faster. “I can’t believe you hid this from me.”</p><p>“S’embarrassing,” Buck whines, sounding childishly petulant. It’s hard to focus when he’s wanted to cum for so long, when he’s so close <em>now</em>.</p><p>“It’s hot,” Eddie insists. “Tell me anything you want and we’ll do it all.”</p><p>Buck has never felt so loved in his life. The feeling encases him completely until he finally cums. The last thing he sees is Eddie’s heated gaze before his eyes slam shut and his back bows, every muscle tensing. His mind shuts off and he never wants to leave this point in time, safe and taken care of by the best person in his life.</p><p>When awareness comes back, so does the shame. Now that he’s not in the heat of the moment, he realizes how juvenile his kink is and he can’t help but think that despite Eddie’s words, he was only humoring Buck. He’s opening his mouth to apologize for what just happened when he actually looks at his partner again.</p><p>Eddie’s face is blissed out, blush high on his cheekbones. He’s wearing a mindless grin and his body is relaxed in the way it only is after an orgasm. Buck looks down and sure enough, Eddie has a hand jammed in his pants and an impressive wet spot to the left of his zipper. It’s one of the hottest things Buck’s ever seen and he gives a small thrust forward. He shudders at the new level of sensitivity he experiences. </p><p>That brings Eddie back to himself. He takes his hand out of his jeans and stares at the bit of cum on his fingertips. Buck opens his mouth without prompting and hums happily when the taste hits his tongue. He wants to bottle this depravity so he can hold onto it forever. He meets Eddie halfway for a kiss, gentle and full of love.</p><p>“I fucking love you,” Buck says on a sigh. He gingerly moves off of Eddie to sit between his legs again and blushes at the wet spot left behind.</p><p>Eddie smiles and reciprocates the sentiment with another kiss. “I meant what I said, y’know. We can try anything. I don’t want you to think you have to hide things from me.”</p><p>Maybe Buck wasn’t hiding things necessarily, but he wasn’t being totally honest about the things he wanted from their sex life. But being part of the Diaz family has taught him more about communication than anything else in his life ever has, even his time with Abby. She gave him a great foundation for Buck 2.0, but he thinks that maybe another foundation is being put down right here, a new brick day by day until Buck 3.0 is finished. A Buck capable of having a fulfilling marriage and being a stepparent. </p><p>He wants that version of himself so badly it’s like a physical ache in his bones. And as Eddie leads him to the shower and discusses plans for dinner, engagement ring warming against Buck’s arm, Buck smiles and knows he’s more than halfway there.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>organic endings are hard, y'all</p><p>in my mind, this takes place after they get drunk together and buck goes, "you know what i really wanna try?" and then wakes up sober and embarrassed. totally not writing from experience here</p><p>follow me on <a href="https://cactusparade.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>. it's a multi-fandom mess mostly centered around video games, if that's your thing</p></blockquote></div></div>
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